I went out to jake's (a gay bar) tonight. I saw my friend Perry there and hung out with em. It was fun. I had a couple of alcoholic beverages and did some dancing. I am thinking of making it a regular thing to go to jake's on Saturday nights. All in all I had a good time except for one thing.
There were a bunch of straight people there. I saw this hetero couple on the dance floor kissing. When I saw them I thought “get the hell out of here you fucking breeders”. Now I understand that they technically have a right to be there. But, one of the reasons I go to gay bars is because I don't feel safe at regular bars. So I don't feel comfortable having straight people there. And besides, its a GAY bar. As far as I am concerned if you aren't gay, les, bi or trans, you shouldn't be there. Oh but it doesn't end with just straight people showing up. A guy I met there tonight was saying that some hetero guys showed up to one of the drag shows there and started ragging on the queers! WTF is up with that. It's bad enough to have heteros show up, but homophobes?!?! There was a gay bar here several years back that stopped being a gay bar because apparently a bunch of straight people were showing up. I don't want that to happen to jake's. And besides, I want to be able to have a good time and feel safe.
There was one positive note to the event though. I have wanted bigger boobs and recently started questioning my motives. I was thinking “do I want these for me or for other reasons”. Is our society a factor in my wanting bigger boobs, or maybe family “see look I really am trans”. Given my gender fluidity I had been thinking that my boobs are a pretty convenient size. I can wear a push up bra (which I usually do) to make them look bigger. I can also wear a loose shirt to make them less noticeable. Heck if I wanted to conceal them they are small enough that binding shouldn't be a prob.
When I was dancing my boobs were bouncing around and that got a tad annoying. So that got me thinking about how much more they would bounce if they were bigger. So I have decided to just keep taking the hormones and get what I get off of them. In the future I may decide on implants, but for now I wont worry so much about my breast size.