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Jennifer

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March 18th, 2006

12:30 pm: Fun with queers
   I went to Jakes (the gay bar) again last night. It was a blast. A good bunch of my friends and acquaintances were there. I am amazed by the experience
   I got hit on by a drunk tranny. I think that is the first time I have ever been hit on. It totally caught me off guard. Had I reciprocated better I probably could have made out with him. Granted, I wouldn't want to hook up with a person from a bar. But I see nothing wrong with flirting with them and having a good time. besides, he was drunk, so I can assume it was the alcohol talking. Next time that happens I think I will go with it and see if I can at least make out with the person.
   It was so much fun dancing with my friends. At one point there were a group of us in a circle dancing to “I will survive”. Gotta love a circle of queers dancing and singing along to “I will survive”
As much fun as it was, there a couple of “low lights” to the evening. I did get a bit drunker that I would have liked. I really wasn't THAT drunk, but I did have a bit of a headache.
   Right now I have my hair cut REALY short. Basically a ¼ inch buzz cut. When I was out back at the smoking section some guy asked me where my wig was. It's like “what the fuck?” apparently he thought that I am a crossdresser. Oh well whatever. People will assume what they will about me.
   Overall going to Jakes has been an amazing experience for me. Having friends who actually value my presence and want to hang out with me is something that I don't have much experience with. It's awesome. before I left Jakes I went to say goodbye to my friends. My friend Luke asked me if I was ok to get home. It's nice that someone other than a family member actually cares about me and is concerned for my safety. I think I will be showing up at Jakes again next week.

March 12th, 2006

03:03 am: Bars, booze, breeders, and boobs

    I went out to jake's (a gay bar) tonight. I saw my friend Perry there and hung out with em. It was fun. I had a couple of alcoholic beverages and did some dancing. I am thinking of making it a regular thing to go to jake's on Saturday nights. All in all I had a good time except for one thing.  
    There were a bunch of straight people there. I saw this hetero couple on the dance floor kissing. When I saw them I thought “get the hell out of here you fucking breeders”. Now I understand that they technically have a right to be there. But, one of the reasons I go to gay bars is because I don't feel safe at regular bars. So I don't feel comfortable having straight people there. And besides, its a GAY bar. As far as I am concerned if you aren't gay, les, bi or trans, you shouldn't be there. Oh but it doesn't end with just straight people showing up. A guy I met there tonight was saying that some hetero guys showed up to one of the drag shows there and started ragging on the queers! WTF is up with that. It's bad enough to have heteros show up, but homophobes?!?! There was a gay bar here several years back that stopped being a gay bar because apparently a bunch of straight people were showing up. I don't want that to happen to jake's. And besides, I want to be able to have a good time and feel safe.
    There was one positive note to the event though. I have wanted bigger boobs and recently started questioning my motives. I was thinking “do I want these for me or for other reasons”. Is our society a factor in my wanting bigger boobs, or maybe family “see look I really am trans”. Given my gender fluidity I had been thinking that my boobs are a pretty convenient size. I can wear a push up bra (which I usually do) to make them look bigger. I can also wear a loose shirt to make them less noticeable. Heck if I wanted to conceal them they are small enough that binding shouldn't be a prob.
    When I was dancing my boobs were bouncing around and that got a tad annoying. So that got me thinking about how much more they would bounce if they were bigger. So I have decided to just keep taking the hormones and get what I get off of them. In the future I may decide on implants, but for now I wont worry so much about my breast size.



March 5th, 2006

12:50 pm: hair cut

    I cut my hair on Friday. My hair was getting to be a bit longer than I like. I was debating on going to my hair stylist, but I decided to get some clippers and to do it my self. I like how it turned out. I don't have a pic unfortunately. My digi cam died on me. But here is a pic of the type of hair style I have going on

http://www.freewebs.com/leicesterii/A%20-%20KaRoL%20Spain.jpg


    The hair style in the pic is a Chelsea cut, a skinhead womens hair cut. My hair is basically like that except that it is short in the back. Also, the hair in front of my ears isn't as long and full as hers and my bangs aren't as full as hers. I will post a pic as soon as I can.
Interestingly enough, this hair cut makes me feel more like a woman. I was trying to figure out why and this is what I have come up with so far. All those things that society says are fem are just artificial constructions imposed by the society you live in. There is nothing inherent in a persons biology that would make skirts and heels only for women, in fact king Louis the 14th of France wore heels. So I guess going by what society says is fem seems fake and artificial to me. By having my hair short like it is, it is basically femininity on my own terms not societies terms.
    It will be interesting to see what kind of reactions I get from people. In a pair of pants I probably look like a guy from behind. Since I don't respond to sir anymore, it will be interesting to see what happens if someone tries to get my attention. So far I haven't been hassled for using the womens bathroom.



Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: Garbage - Adrogyny

February 25th, 2006

12:44 pm: Still more adventures in wifi
    I finaly got some hose clamps to attach things to my cantenna. Now I just need to drill a hole in one of the hose clamps to attach the T nut I will be using as a tripod mount.
    I was running some tests on my cantenna sitting outside a bagel shop. I had it pointing directly a spot in the parking lot. It was interesting to see how a car parked in that spot dropped the signal strength. Good line of sight makes a big differance in signal strength.
    I will be running some tests on my can at the starbux down town. that should give me a good assement of how good my can is. I may also bring my cookie can to test out. But so far it seems that my long metal can does better than the cookie can.
    I fianly have a pic of my can sitting on my laptop. Unfortunatly the pic is a crap pic taken with my webcam. I will see if I can get a better quality pic with my webcam. Once I get a decent digital camera to replace the one that died, I will take some better pictures of it.

Current Mood: geekygeeky

February 23rd, 2006

02:19 pm: even more adventures in wifi
    I ended up making a cookie cantenna like the one I mentioned befor. I used a mesh colander as a feed horn. Priliminary testing seems to indicate that my other cantenna works better. I will have to do more tests befor I decide that the cookie can isn't worth it.
    My next task is to get some hose clamps to clamp the angle braket and feed horn to my long metal can. Also, if I find a threaded piece that fits on my tripod I will use that as a tripod mount that will be hose clamped to the can. I may also try making a cantenna out of a nally stew can. In a can test someone people did the stew can did better than any of the other cans tested. I will also keep an eye out for other cans at the goodwill.
    Once I get some decent tests run on my cans I will post some more info and hopefully some pics of the cans and signal strenght graphs

01:58 pm: arguments online and other things
    I have a bad habbit of getting into arguments online in the trans chat room on yahoo. Lately the arguments have been about genderqueer issues. Many of the people in there seem to have a problem with me being genderqueer. On top of that many of them don't even see genderqueer as a valid term or identity. My friend Perry has told me not to bother with those people. Ay is right. I realy should listen to em and stop wasting my time with losers online. Especialy when I can interact with real people in the real world. I am such a chat junkie though. Hopefully I can overcome my addiction and stop wasting time with those people. only time will tell.

    In other news. I am going to start some job hunting. Hopefully this time around I will put more effort into it than last time. I hope I can get a job at the goodwill. There is one slight dilema though. They do a background check. The baground check form asks for all kinds of info like: name, height, weight, eye color. It also asks for your sex. That is where my dilema is. If I put male, then I have pretty much outed my self as trans. If they see an application for "Jennifer" that has male  on it, they might decide no to give me a chance. If they do call me in for an interview, since I will be wearing a skirt and heels (like I always do for interviews), they might see me as a man in drag. But putting female might not work. I have the female sex designation on my drivers licence but not on my social security or anything else. So there is the possibility that the background check wouldn't pan out. I guess I will just put female on there and hope that it works. I don't see why they need to do a stupid background check. I hope I don't run across this dillema at any other places I apply for a job at.

Current Music: green day

February 20th, 2006

10:30 am: More adventures in wifi
    I was playing around with my cantenna some more when I thought of something. This cantenna has a funnel shaped section of stove pipe on the end.http://www.seattlewireless.net/CookieCantenna The guy says he gets a good boost in signal strength with it. So I grabbed mesh strainer I had tried to make a dish antenna out of. I put it up against the front of the can to see what would happen. My signal jumped up. I got about a 5 point gain. Not bad. That makes it roughly a 5 to 10 point gain versus the bare dongle. I ended up making the hole in the strainer bigger and attached it to the end of the can with some zip ties. I plan on getting another strainer, cutting the hole more carefully and mounting it with a hose clamp. I might see about getting a bigger strainer. That might improve gain.

    When you get into wifi stuff something inevitably comes up, legal issues. I am not a lawyer so don't quote me on any of this. As far as I know accessing someones wifi and snooping around their hard drive is illegal. As tempting as it might be, I wouldn't risk it. You don't need “the man” knocking on your door. As far as just using their Internet connection, I don't know. But I think the chances of getting caught are rather slim, especially if you keep the following in mind.

A. Use access points at businesses that provide free wifi to their customers EG coffee shop
B. For other access points stick with one that have the default SSID (motorola, netgear, linksys ETC). If it is unencrypted and has the default SSID, I assume the following. The person left it that way deliberately. Or they are not tech savy enough to know how to encrypt it. In which case they wouldn't be savy enough to know that anyone is using their wifi. Also, if you can switch access points periodicaly. Apperently there have been people busted for just using someones internet connection.

    I will of course make some new cantennas and run some more tests. At some point I will take a pic of my can.... not that can, get your mind out of my gutter. Anyway, I will have to take the pic using my webcam since my digi cam died. That's about it for now. More updates in the future. I am such a geek. WOOT

Current Mood: geekygeeky

February 19th, 2006

11:35 pm: adventures in wifi
My latest obsession has been home built wifi antennas. I have been basing my designs off designs I found online. So far I have 2 antennas built. One is a pringles can Yagi based off this design by Rob Flickenger. http://www.oreillynet.com/cs/weblog/view/wlg/448?wlg=yes . the main difference between my design and his is that I use a wifi dongle instead of the usual N connector. Testing so far shows that I get better signal strength with the can than without. I seem to get a boost of about 5 arbitrary units boost in signal strength.

My other antenna made of a long metal can doesn't seem to do much better. In fact in a recent test the metal can wasn't able to get beyond the highest signal strength achieved with the pringles can. My next antenna will be made out of a cookie can. I found some plans for a cookie cantenna, so mine should work. I just hope it works better than the pringles can. It seems that a wider can works better.

At some point I am going to post some images showing the signal strength with the different antennas. I did a test of the pringles can with an access point at a starbucks down town. Now that I have that as a base line it will help in testing the other antennas. It also helps that I know the location of the access point. When running a test from my apartment I have no idea where exactly the access point is. So I can't be exactly sure as to where to point the can.

I have also been wanting to make a parabolic wifi antenna based off these designs http://www.usbwifi.orcon.net.nz/ I will go ahead and post some more once I have made and tested some more antennas.

My goal is to creat a robust antenna with good gain. At some point I may be moving to an apartment complex near campus. It would be nice if I could pick up a good wifi signal from there. That way I could avoid getting cable internet or dealing with dial up. I don't know if I would have a clearn enough line of site to the access points on campus though.

December 22nd, 2005

12:33 am: Piercings
I am visiting my fam in the bay area CA for xmas. So today I deceded to head up to Berkely. I decided to hit up my fave piercing place. Industrial Strength Tattoo and piering. I ended up getting my nipples pierced. To answer your question. Yes it hurt. It hurt like HELL!! But it was SOOO worth the pain and the cost. If I can afford it, after new years I plan to go back to get a prince albert. I imagine that getting your cock pierced hurts like hell. But it will be awsome to have that pierced. In a way the PA will be a sign of rebelion. There are many trans woman who dislike/hate their penis. I sometimes wonder if they hate their penis because they have been lead to believe that they have to, otherwise they are not a "real transseuxal". There is also the fact that unhappiness with ones genitals seems to go right along with transness in most peoples minds. So by getting a PA I will be going against the grain and saying "I love my cock".
As far as other people giving me shit. Well they can suck my cock. Latley I have been doing the genderqueer thing again. So I am defying the rules anyway. Anyways. Hopefully I can afford to get my cock pierced.

Current Mood: sleepysleepy

October 25th, 2005

01:08 am: Gender crazyness
I was looking back at some of my old entrys. My gender identity has been all over the map. My therapist is quite right in being concerned about my gender stuff. But things seem to be sorting them selves out. So hopefully I wont be playing musical genders anymore.

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